I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
