Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
