They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
3 2 1 whiskey
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
