Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
