I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
