you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize