Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
