It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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