It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
