i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize