you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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