If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
