see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize