I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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