The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
