Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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