please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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