tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
