I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
