the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize