oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
