Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
