I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
