Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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