okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
