Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
