i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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