I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
