We won't sleep together?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
