Whod you bang
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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