we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
