1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I understand Curling. That high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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