Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize