Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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