We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
