I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
