shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
