PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
