My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize