I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
