I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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