it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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