I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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