the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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