we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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