He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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