Im at strip club and am horny
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
