I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize