turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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