At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
