Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
