Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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