this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
