I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
