There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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