My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
