mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
