dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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