Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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