Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
