living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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