White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
