I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
