I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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