Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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