i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize