if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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