there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
