What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
