i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
