I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
