you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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