you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize