So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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