My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
