I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
