By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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