Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
