11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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