Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
