just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
