Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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