I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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