wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm jealous of your bromance
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
