On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
