forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
