College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
