Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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