Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
