You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
