The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
