I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
