brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
