He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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