speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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