you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
