hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We had to coat check the pizza.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
