i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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