I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
