is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
