We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
