then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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