I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
