when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
