We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize