Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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