I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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