she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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