We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
