My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize