Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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